Stalking is a pattern of repeated, unwanted behaviour, which causes alarm and distress to the victim. It involves actions aimed at controlling, monitoring, or intimidating someone. These actions can be physical or digital, for example:

• Repeatedly messaging or calling you; finding other profiles of yours and messaging you there
• Attempts to coerce you into replying their messages, sending them photos of yourself, meeting them in person, performing a sex act, etc. – and making false promises to stop contacting you if you agree to their demands
• Monitoring your social media activity or your phone location to track where you are
• Asking your friends what you’re doing/where you are
• Showing up where you don’t expect them/didn’t ask them to be – e.g. your workplace, your school, around your neighbourhood or places you go to frequently
• Sending you vague or explicit threats, threatening your loved ones

Let a trusted adult know what is going on.

If you feel that something is not right or are starting to feel uncomfortable or unsafe, trust your feelings.

Speak to a trusted adult or support professional about these pressures that you are facing and they will be able to help. What you are experiencing could potentially be a crime if the other person is trying to exploit and harm you.

Remember that this is not your fault, even if it feels embarrassing or like you’ve done something wrong.

Have you also been experiencing these red flags?

• Have they been very friendly, given you many compliments, or offered to buy you things? People who want to hurt you may make nice promises, offer to buy you things, or give you compliments about being mature, smart or attractive – all to gain your trust. They may also ask you questions about your life to assess how vulnerable you are. To be fair, people who genuinely want to be friends with you may do all these as well. But if this is happening with the other points in this list, then this is a red flag.
• Have they asked you to keep your relationship with them a secret? This is a pretty big red flag. It is likely that they want you to keep your relationship with them a secret because they are doing something that can harm you and they don’t want to be caught.
• Have they made many comments about your body or appearance? Trustworthy older teenagers and adults know that it is not appropriate to keep commenting on the body or appearance of someone younger than them. If the person you’re talking to has started doing this, they could be trying to gain your trust and test your boundaries. After a while, these comments might become increasingly explicit and sexual.
• Have they asked you questions that feel wrong or uncomfortable? Such questions can be “have you kissed someone” or “do you want to know how [something] feels like”. They might also say that they can teach you something that will make you feel good. These are wrong. They are red flags! A trustworthy older teenager or adult would know that they should never be asking a young person about these things.
• Have they been asking to meet up? If the other person has been asking to meet up with you, inform an adult immediately. Do not meet up with them. It is not safe. The other person may take the opportunity to harm you physically if you meet up with them.

If the red flags above resemble your conversation with the other person, you might be in danger. Speaking to an adult, like a teacher, parent, or family friend, will help keep you safe. Most of this guide is still applicable for you, but don’t deal with this alone. Please find someone to support you.

The stalking behaviours have to be continued over an extended period and/or repeated, and be likely to cause you harassment, alarm, or distress.

POHA lists these examples of stalking behaviours, but you don’t have to fit these exactly:

• Following you or a related person
• Communicating or trying to communicate with you or a related person by any means
• Making any communication (or trying to) about you or a related person; or purporting to be from you or a related person
• Entering or loitering in any place outside or near your or a related person’s home, workplace, or anyplace you frequent
• Interfering with your or a related person’s property
• Giving or sending material to you or a related person, or leaving it where you or a related person will find it
• Keeping you or a related person under surveillance
• Illustrative examples from POHA:
  • Your workplace superior repeatedly emailing you with suggestive comments about your body
  • Someone sending you flowers daily even though you’ve told them to stop
  • Your classmate repeatedly circulating revealing photos of you to other classmates

You can read the law here